Dear John Dear,

I find myself in quite a situation. I've been with my boyfriend of almost 4 years now and I've always been happy with our relationship I've been checked out by other guys, but I've never had any interest in them, I'll be polite and say hello and stuff like that, but I've never looked at any
of them as anything more than a friend. We recently moved and I was transferred to a new store.
Upon my arrival at this new store I felt a little out of place at first, but I quickly overcame that once my manager started kidding around with me and telling me jokes to make me feel more welcome and I get along with everyone there perfectly. So what is my dilemma you ask??? I wouldn't be writing you if I didn't have an issue that I needed advice on, now would I? I found out my manager (The one who made me feel so welcome) has the HOTS for me, and by hots I mean he definitely wants to be more than friends. I can handle that, with the exception of two things, I really do love my boyfriend more than anything in the world, I'd never do anything to hurt him, and number two is he's married with one kid and a baby due any time now. Here's my issue. He will flirt with me at work, now he's never touched me and I don't mind the flirting, but I find myself becoming more and more attracted to him. How can we hang out as just friends without my boyfriend or his wife getting mad, or even when he obviously wants more than a friendship and I find him more and more attractive as each day goes by. Another issue is our jobs, I mean I don't want either one of us to lose our jobs, and I'm concerned if things keep going the way they are it's possible we could both lose our jobs. I don't want to lose him as a friend because he is a great guy, and He and I have so much in common so we always have a lot to talk about.

Please help me John Dear, you're my only hope!!!

Questioning Commitment

Well Questioning, you really don't have a problem. Unless your engauged with you boyfriend, then it's not really an affair. On the other hand your boss has all the problems your lacking. He has a wife, kids, and your his employee who he supervises. Not only would he be having an affair if you two hooked up but he would also be taking advantage of his place of power and as you said you both could lose your jobs. Or what is more than likely this relationship would get out around your work and just cause waves in your new found social circle. People might alienate you because your the bosses toy, or they might resent you for runing a "good marriage" Althought if you ask me any man capiable of commiting addultry is not in a good marriage.
Maybe your just seeing things that aren't really there, you said he would joke with you to make you more comfortable with your new job. Maybe he is just guilty of being a flirt, how do you know that he would like to take this to the new level? Has he said something? If he has then to answer your question about you two being friends then that would be impossible he has already made the ladder jump
and with that it is up to you whether the jump was successful or if he fell into the abyss. That means that there is always going to be sexual tension between you two and it's just a matter of time before you slip and fall on his penis. You said at the beginning that you never even look at any other guys for four years, are you considering this your reward for being a good girlfriend all that time? Just one new fling and then it's back to four years of faithfulness?
If your so afraid to lose him as a friend then DON'T FUCK HIM, nothing kills a friendship more than an orgasm, and if you don't want to lose your boyfriend then don't be friends with your boss.

So to put it very succinct if you don't want to hurt your boyfriend then cut your ties with your boss and start giving him the cold shoulder. If you don't mind hurting your boyfriend go ahead. I'm not going to say it's alright to cheat, or to cheat with a coworker. That's your own can of worms, but my advice is to just keep it strictly business.

John Dear

Dear John Dear,

I have a few problems, all of them have to do with my ex-boyfriend. I really can't deal with him anymore! Right after we broke up he started dating this really trashy girl ( I say girl because there is no way, that she is over 20) I know he did it just to hurt me. Then he had the gull to date my best friend. I saw them at a restaurant and when I confronted him on how that will affect me and my friends relationship. He blew me off! (Every time that she dates one of my ex's it's impossible for us to get together and she starts to talk their sides when I talk about them.) What can I do about him? Should I date one of his friends or should I just try to sit down and talk with him?

Please help,
Distressed-Ex


Dear Distressed-Ex,

Wait, What? I'm sorry I think I must have misread your letter? Okay, I have a question for you. What does anything your Ex-boyfriend have to do with you? He's your Ex after all. Both he and yourself can date whoever you want. If he wants to get in trouble with jail-bate then that's his problem. You know better than to get yourself into that kind of trouble.
What you don't know better is how to choose your friends. From your letter I get the impression that your best friend has dated your ex's before? Well given her the benefit of the doubt and let's say that she had no hand in making your boyfriends add the ex prefix. She then turned her back on you by choosing your ex over you. Then after she left you, she chooses to undermined you by calling you a friend and not at least seeing your point of view on a man that you know at least a few facts about.
You shouldn't have a problem with your ex he had his chance with you. Where your focus should be and who you should sit down and talk with is your "so-called friend." It's her that has wronged you.
She very well might not know that she has been doing it like you haven't seen how her actions have hurt you. So go into this easily, but if she starts to get defensive then it's a good chance that she did this not only knowing the how it would affect you but also does it because she knows how it will hurt you.
Leave the ex where he belongs, In the past. Just keep your eyes open and try to take in all the facts next time.

Good luck with your friend,
John Dear


If you would like to send me a question of your own. Please Send all questions to:
Doughnutbro@gmail.com All questions are confidential and there is no easy question send em all my way.


4297

Quick Question #5

Dear John Dear,

Please answer this for me. Are Wendy's hamburgers really NEVER frozen? If not, how are they kept fresh?

Thanks,
Burger Jockey



Dear Burger Jockey,

I really can't be completely sure about this, so it's kinda based on past knowledge and partially based on me guessing. But, "Frozen" is a very loose term when it comes to food and food production. For instance, let's talk Turkey. Turkey has standards that would boggle most of our simple minds. First frozen to most of us is at 32 degrees Fahrenheit as freezing, but not with turkeys. With turkeys frozen is considered anything zero or below. Now if it falls in the 1-26 degree mark then (even though it is still well below freezing) is considered "refrigerated." Now anything 27 and up is considered fresh. So as you can tell all of those numbers are well below freezing (for water). Most of us with a thermometer would say that all of those are frozen. Thanks to other non-water substances within the bird that will affect the freezing temperature of the flesh.
I have no idea if the standards are the same for beef or whatever burgers might be made of but knowing Corporate America they can get by with stretching the truth just a little(Or a lot depending on the company.)
So I bet the meat is placed in a blast chiller right after it's ground and brought to right above whatever the beef industry considers frozen. At this point it is able to be safely shipped to Wendy's (not affiliated with John Dear... Yet) To be made into wonderful, tasty, beautiful, food like art. That is the Wendy's Burger.

Hope that helped get your mind and mouth around these Juicy, flavorful, nearly orgasmic, burgers.

Till Next time,

John Dear

Gods Watching You

Dear John Dear,

I have a problem, you see I have been told by my teachers and my parents that masturbation is a bad thing. But programs on the TV and even some articles that I have read have told me that it's actually good for me. I really don't know what's the right answer or what would be a good defense for either. Do you think that you could help me when it comes to taking matters into my own hands?

Master Debater


Dear Master Debater,

First off, I would like to get a few terms out of my system so that I can get down to the meat of the question and beat it. Beat the meat, wrestle the one eyed monster, choke the chicken, jerk the turkey, pull the pud, the five knuckle shuffle,(for women) flicking the bean , diving in with digits, spelling "G-spot" with sign language, and many other clever terms for masturbation.
Masturbation is simply stimulating yourself until you reach a climax. With a definition as simple as that it HAS to come with a lot of extra stigma.
You said that your teachers/parents say it's bad, while articles say it's good for your health. Well they are both wrong in their own way. Your parents will simply tell you is bad for you because it's bad for them; to walk in on you doing it. Not only does this mean they will see you in a less than dignified situation, and no parent wants that image burned into the back of their eyes. They also have a deep seeded fear of you doing the same to them.
While the "articles" would like you to think it's good for your health because they want you to buy more "articles" featuring women with rabbit ears in less than covered situations.
The truth is that masturbation is completely health neutral, which means that it will not do anything bad for your body, but in your full hand, your not kidding anyone when you say your doing it for your health. Just Do It For Pleasure!
You won't grow hairy palms, and your eyesight is predetermined by genetics. Although on the other empty hand, despite some studies that have came out stating that regular masturbation will reduce your chance of cancer has not been proven and even if their are advantages they are just as equal to drinking some grape juice.
Now I know some of you and you're out there saying, "Hey; John Dear, a well publicized and intelligent advice and help columnist, says Jerking off is Great so I'll start doing it today and end some time next week." That's NOT what I'm saying at all!
In fact there are some pro's and con's to it.
The Pro's:
It feels good!
Finding out what your body likes will help you with future partners
(This is highly recommended for women, and should be shared with your partner)
Checking your undercarriage regularly is one of the strongest ways to discover cancers or possible sexual transmitted diseases.
A quick release is a good way to shrug off some stress, this happens because, just as during sex when you come to climax your brain releases endorphins which create a calming and relaxed feeling to melt over your body.

The Con's:
It can become an addiction. Because it feels good and because of the release of endorphins(just like with Heroin and other opiates.) This feeling causes a chemical reaction in your brain and just like drugs this feeling can cause you to become an addict. True it's gotta be one of the cheapest addictions there is around, but still you try going to a beaters-anonymous meeting (Sex Addict Anonymous)
If you become a heavy user you can, if you try to stop, go through withdraw. Just think of Caffeine Withdraw. The only problem with this is that unlike drug addictions where you have to "score," or some other 80's term for acquiring drugs, to get that high back. All you have to do to get this high back, is some private time and an active imagination.
Also just like drug addiction you can build up a tolerance to it, which means more sessions, which means more chaffing. Or even worse the use of toys, drugs, or devices, not to mention the use of auto-erotic asphyxiation (choking yourself till you pass out) not only is this STUPID!!! It's also dangerous, nearly 1,000 deaths a year, and possible brain damage.

So please do it the old fashioned way, just a hand and deep thoughts. Keep it down to what you can consider a minimum. If you want to kick it up a notch add a person. As long as your stimulating yourself and you don't get any fluids on each other this is 100% safe. No STD's and no chance of pregnancy.(And if your a stickler for details you can still call yourself a virgin.) Just make sure the other person is aware and alright with you doing this around them.

I think that this has given you some facts that will help with the "debating" and hopefully it has answered the question of weather it's right for you. Because some people just don't get off on getting themselves off. It's all in your hands, so to speak.

John Dear

P.S I would like to add a little homework to this one, If you read this please go to the bottom and add your own term for masturbation. You can post 100% anonymously and as always I like to hear if you have any extra questions/comments on the subject. Thanks

Old Flames Burn Hotter

Dear John Dear,

Recently I ran into an ex-boyfriend of mine that I haven't seen in years, he
is getting married and I just got married. But every time I talk to him I
feel the same way I did years ago when we dated. I enjoy talking with him. As I sit here, I think I am going insane because I
adore this person and don't want to scare him off as a great friend, but I
can't help but to think and feel a certain way. What do you think? Am I nuts?

Sincerely,
Rushing Emotions


Dear Rushing Emotions,

No, You're not nuts. Although you are starting to walk on shaky ground. Your emotions sound a little mixed as well as rushing. You say that you don't want to scare him off as a friend, despite these rushing emotions? Unless you think that your emotions will get the better of you, and over power your mind and heart, then you shouldn't have a problem with a social relationship. Everyone thinks of the reasons why they got together with someone. What they usually leave out is how it ended. Too many times, people will "re-discover" an ex, and all they can think about is the good times. The problem with that is people rarely change, and even if they do old habits die hard, and where theres an old flame there is old smoke. People do grow, and people do change. And who knows maybe you were one of the lucky few where they relationship ended just to end. Even so; as you said your happily married, you have found someone that completes you. If he's getting married then you should hope that he has done the same.
So to tie this up, If you think there is a chance that this could move into more than old friends catching up, then you should probably try to cool the flames. At least till you have your heads in order.

Hope it all turns out in the end,
John Dear

Read At Own Risk

This Post Contains Information That Some Might Find Disturbing, All the Information is Based on Fact.


Dear John Dear,

Is it just me, or does it seem that crimes are becoming more and more our of control? Some people care no more about shooting someone than spitting on a sidewalk! Is this a warning? A sign? What do you think?

Gun Shy

Dear Gun Shy,

Sadly enough it hasn't, It isn't, It's not. Crime by its definition is out of control.(An act committed or omitted in violation of a law forbidding or commanding it and for which punishment is imposed upon conviction: According to www.thefreedictionary.com) It's not crimes that are out of control or even the problem. It's technology; because of the development of not only weapons but of the ease of information transfer. Guns are more accessible now than they were 100 years ago and because of that people are using them more. If they didn't have guns they would simply start using knifes, boomerangs, or Yo-Yo's (invented originally as a weapon)because since the beginning of time there has been crime, and since people had thing others wanted there has been murder. The only thing to change is how easy it is to find out about these things.
I don't read the newspaper because it's full of Bad News. Not things I don't want to hear, but things of people hurting people, families being broken apart, true human tragedy. Things that the most disturbed writer would never be able to come up with in a thousand years.
The book: IN Cold Blood, By Truman Capote Is about a murder in 1959 where two men broke into a family's house and after cutting the fathers throat and shooting him with a shot gun, went and with a single shot to the head killed the wife, son, and daughter, after tucking each one in bed. That was one of the most horrific murders in the 1900's. That was nearly 50 years ago!
Although the "Murder Of the Century" One of the most written and talked about killings in the past 150 years is of course, "Jack the Ripper" or "Whitechapel Murders" as they were called then was a number of serial killings.
There is no way to truly know all the details, but here was one or more persons.(here on referred as Jack) Well Jack went around and would target women of the night, Hookers, and would slit their throats then Jack would mutilate the body and take specific organs. Nearly all of these murders were committed in relatively public places and not only were their no Eye Witnesses, and no one was ever caught. This was around 1890, over 200 years ago!
These are considered to be some of the most horrific murders in history because they got the most media attention at their times. If every murder in history was as well documented as this it would be well known that it hasn't changed much at all over time.

One good example of the media and it's cause on how we view things is the Great Fire. Or the Chicago Fire of 1871, it was all started by one mad cow, and all of Chicago Burned because of it. Although at the exact same time over four hundred miles North of Chicago the town of Peshtigo, Wisconsin(along with number of other towns) Burned to the ground due to a forest fire. Somewhere near 2,500 people passed away in the fire, This remains the most deadly fire in all of written history. Though because of the remote location of the event went hardly noticed, and is completely over shadowed by the "Great" Fire Of Chicago( with an estimated 200-300 deaths)
This shows that if it doesn't make "good news"(sells papers) then its bad news, and Bad News is Good News because it's what people want to read.
If people took more stock in the good nature of people then that's what we would read about. Someone once said, "It is better to be Infamous than it is to be famous." and I agree, if you save a child from a burning building then you will be forgotten in a week, but if you set fire to the house you will be remembered for ever. Look at Hitler. He; through heinous and evil acts, is now rooted in history and on the minds of all people over the world.
The true difference is that everyone hopes to one day be the hero, no one plans on being the villain.

So people are not worse they are the same as they have always been, And that is the sad fact.
I'm sorry to tell you this but it's true and just as scary.

John Dear

Oh Sister

Dear John Dear,

My sister is 17 and I am 29, she has always been a good kid, but now she is rebeling. She will not listen to anyone, I remember doing the same, but when she confides in me, because we are very close, should I share that with my parents? I want her to be able to talk to me, but as a mother, I would want to know what my kids were up to! What should I do?

Big Sister


Dear Big Sister,

You said it's the same that you went through, but it's not. You didn't have you. You didn't have yourself as a big sister to confide to. If she's just going through the typical teenage rebel phase then let her. Unless she's doing things that could harm her in the future, Drug use, unsafe sex, hanging out with Britney Spears, anyone of those things can change her life for the worst. It is your job as both a big sister and a confidant to let her know that things could get out of hand and that your worried about her safety and well being.
Only use going to the parents as a last ditch resort. You don't want to loose her confidence in your conversations. If your parents ask you how things are going, be honest. "She is doing fine." Or "She is having some trouble right now but I think with my help she will be fine." Or "She has some problems and I'm going to need your help in helping her." Your parents will find solace in the fact that she has you to help and they just want to be informed in their daughters lives.
Family is one of the only things that is a constant for people, no matter what is said or what is done, all can be forgiven and accepted with loving arms.
If it's all just teenage turmoil then she will just ask you for advice and you having already gone through it you will be able to give her the advice as not only a sister but from the view of what she will go through in ten years, and also from the view of a mother.
On the other hand if it is something that troubles you and can not be passed off by simple advice you need to go to your parents. They have experienced life too, and only want the best for their daughters.

I hope this helps, and remember party ends with a Y not because "You gotta" but because everyone needs to ask the question, "Is this right for me" And if you have instilled good values in her she will always make the right choice.

Give her a big hug from me,

John Dear

Suicide For Dummies

Dear John Dear,

I have a question for you, Do you think Kurt Cobain really killed himself, or do you think(like I believe) that his wife [Courteny Love] killed him?

I'd love your opinion, Kurt Cobain was a great artist and Nirvana was incredible!

Have Doubts


Dear Doubts,

Some times people just die. There is only one person that knows what was going through his head; before the bullet. Fame hit him too quickly and that with the additive of drugs. It was just too much for just one person to take. I don't really know if anyone else was involved with the death of Kurt Cobain. No one will ever know for sure. Though I do agree with your theory in one aspect, He was a great performer, and he will be missed. I think he simply went the path that most great performers take. Jimmy Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Chris Farley. Some times they pass on so that we can only think of them on top. They will always be considered greats, and the fickle world that is Entertainment we have no idea how long they would last(Britney Spears).

Lets Take a moment to remember all those we have lost to the deadly mistress entertainment.










John Dear

Quick Question #4

Dear John Dear,
I am a student and I really really really don't like a lot of my classes that in my mind I will never use. Why do they teach us stuff in school that we are never gonna use?

Class Clown

Dear Class Clown,

In school they have to make sure they are covering everyones (possible) needs. Just because you will never use geometry, home economics, or wood shop, doesn't mean that someone else would. In addition I don't know a single person that hasn't considered changing their career at some point in their life. Just because you think your set in a job path doesn't mean it's something that you will want to do for the rest of your life or even all the way through college. A whole lot of people get to college and then decide, "This isn't what I thought it would be, I'll do something else."
Not to mention I always impress people when I know the formula to calculate the volume of a circle or when I know the exact temperature to heat poached eggs at, or the difference between an adjective and an adverb.
When you get older those things that you didn't care for, won't even be a memory, which is why it's impressive to recall those things a matter of a decade out of school.
Of course it's also a matter of time management, if they keep you busy eight hours a day then you are relatively out of trouble for those hours; and it prepares you for working an eight hour day when you start to work.
Although there is no reason at all to learn about how a bill becomes a law. School House Rock did it and it will forever be burned into all our minds.

Remember I before E and you add a P and that equals PIE!

John Dear

Shot Nerves

Dear John Dear,
I've been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for about 3 weeks. Is there anything I can do to bring myself out of this, or at least make it bearable?

About to Snap,


Dear Snap,

Yes there is, don't let it get to you. Figure out what's causing the problem, and ask yourself what's the worst that could happen. Once you figure out what the absolute worst thing there is that could ever happen. Ask if it's really that bad, I mean for most people death is the worst that can happen. That or they run out of pudding, and no pudding is worth that much worry.
That or jack off, after a good release everything kinda takes a back seat. It does for me anyway.

Good luck and happy handing,


John Dear

Quick Question #3

Dear John Dear,

Here's something that has always bothered me.
Why do we Drive on Parkways and Park on Driveways?
Confused Driver

Dear Confused,

Really it just comes down to the fact that things will change without changing the name.
Parkways refer more to a location than to an action. Parkways are usually found enclosed by... Class? That's right parks, they have long scenic views going along on both sides of the road. Even though Driveways don't describe a location it is more likely still descriptive. Driveways were actually long drives from a main road that lead up to the main house on the property. While now they are short blocks of cement that lead a matter of 10 - 15 feet up to a garage. So in short you do drive on a driveway, even if it's a short distance, and there is a park near a parkway. Good luck and hope the English language isn't so fuckie for you in the future.

John Dear

Death and Taxes

Dear John Dear,

Yeah I have a good question sir. I've gotten pretty involved in talk about life, death, love, etc., but I still am terrified of the idea of death. Even though I know it will happen to every single one of us, I can't except it. I don't understand it, so why would I want to accept the ONLY inevitable thing that will happen to me if I don't understand what's going to happen to me? It makes my life negative and stressful.

Please Help,
Staying Alive (CP)


Dear Alive,

You kinda answered your own question. The best reason to simply accept it is just so you won't stress and be all negative like. Just think of it this way, If you never did anything that could possibly kill you then you literally would never do ANYTHING! I mean even staying in bed all day will cause bed soars, and eating could make you choke. Bathing could make you slip and break your neck, and you can accidentally smother in your sleep.
If there was a way to count every persons near death experiences then everyones number would be over a billion and thats only the first ten years of your life.
The biggest plus to accepting death allows you to take adventures and have fun. Because Like you said its inevitable, everyone will die at some time. So you have to enjoy the time you have left because as far as you know you may die in the next ten minutes. Now which would you rather do? Would you sweat over the next ten minutes, or would you have a laugh with a good friend?
You gotta treat every minute as your last, food will taste sweeter and you life will be full of fun, friends, and memories.
I have asked myself many times what I would do if I was told when exactly I would die. Would I try to stop it or count every second till it happens? No, I would like to think that I would make every second count! I would enjoy those last years, months, second. Because I know I have friends, family, and good memories that will allow myself to live on forever. Thats the only true way to be immortal. To leave a piece of yourself in the hearts of those who love and care about you. If you are in the hearts and memories of those people you will never die, you will live forever in their hearts and memories, and those stories will pass on to the next generation and so on after that.
So Make 'em count, and just think about the type of memories you wish to leave after your gone.

Live Long and Prosper,
John Dear


If you would like help or have any questions or comments please e-mail me at doughnutbro@gmail.com

Quick Question #2

WHY THE CAGED BIRD POOPS

Dear John Dear,

I just washed my car, it was clean top to bottom. Why, when I walk away for a few hours is it covered in bird shit? My question to you is why do birds target clean cars?

Clean then Crap



Dear CtC,

Animals shit, all of them do it. Birds simply don't have the muscle structure so that they can't hold it. This means that they will go where ever they are when they need to go. Now the reason behind the car specific pooing can be explained by a few things.
Because people like to keep cool in the summer they are more than likely to park under trees, and what's in trees, that's right, leaves. But that is another questions all together.(see Once Burned Twice Shy) But what's next to the leaves thats right birds.
It can also be possibly that seeing how a car baking in the hot sun will produce a whole lot of heat and this heat to a bird means easy lift without any work. So they can be found flying around cars more because of the convenience.
Now the most likely reason that birds seem to crap on clean cars is...
That when you clean your car your more likely to notice dirt on your car. While on the other hand if your car is dirty you don't care what or who craps on your car (Including my Aunt Jenny, a few beer and a large brownie, and my car looks like a big green toilet.)
So my suggestion to keep your car clean is: Cover your Car, Place it in your garage, Park in place where birds can't reach(bottom of ocean) or keep a vigil eye and a shotgun nearby at all times.
Good luck and Hope your clean car doesn't lead to a crappy day.

John Dear


If you would like help or have any questions or comments please e-mail me at doughnutbro@gmail.com

Ponder the Poke

Dear John Dear,

I have a question, it's about my boyfriend, and I'm a little embarrassed. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months months now, and we are sexually active, but we haven't ever gone all the way. So far we have only performed oral, and experimented with mutual masturbation; that's all. I have told him before and many times since that I don't want to get pregnant yet. He told me that it was fine and he didn't want to make that step either. Recently he has been talking to me about a way to have sex and not get pregnant. Anal Sex! I'm really not comfortable talking about it with him and no where near sure weather we should do it. Can you help me come up with a way to let him down?

Please help,

Scared but...

Dear Scared, The quickest and best answer to your question is to just, tell him. Tell him your not ready for that type of... commitment. If you were able to be open and honest about not have vaginal sex then you should be able to talk about your tush. Plus if you can't talk about it it's a good sign your not ready for this yet. I also have to give you two props, first is props on you finding a nice loop hole around the whole "abstinence only" movement. Besides not working, its totally not fun. I'm all for SAFE sex, and everyone should be aware about it. Second is good for you as counting Oral and Digital (thats digit as in fingers not e-mail) sex as being sex. Only too many people don't count it. "I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, I only went down on him." Or "It's not sex because it's not sexual organ against sexual organ." To that I simply point out that to some people a mouth or other wise is a very sexy part. Boobies are a personal favorite for me. I think of them as sexy organs as much a my own little soldier. Sex is any consenting contact that you can contract a sexual disease from. Yes that can count sharing sexual toys/Guitar Hero controller, remember that old verbiage of, "Wrap your frets; before you sweat! Now back to the question again, I think that you used the excuse of "not getting pregnant" as just that, an excuse.
Because if your even considering having anal sex you should think about starting with something a little easier such as safe sex.
Not only should it feel better, with the right precautions its nearly 100% safe. With a combination of Birth controls pills, Condoms, Spermicide, and the withdraw method. It simply makes it nearly impossible to become pregnant.
But if it's just the fact of having something foreign in you whoohaa, and you would simply rather go ahead but the butt sex then I have some advice for ya.
1) Don't do it like a porn star.
The anus isn't designed to be barreled into. You should have plenty of lube and stimulate the "opening" with your/his fingers (if fingering your butt turns you/him off you shouldn't proceed) then with him wearing a condom and even more lube take it slow and steady. Take many breaks and and keep hydrated.
2) Beware or ripping and heavy bleeding, there are just some places that a band-aid and a kiss from mommy won't heal.
3) If he's all for it ask him if you can do it to him first. If your willing to give you have to be able to receive. If he's not willing to be pegged in the pooper then why should you?
4) If at anytime your worried or cringed about any mention of poo then you just aren't ready to move onto this act of sex yet.

So I hope this helped and If either yourself and your boyfriend has been sexually active before, then it would also be a good idea for a few test(not the paper kind) Before you continue with anything else physical.

Good luck and remember Safe sex first = Lots of sex later!

John Dear



If you would like help or have any questions or comments please e-mail me at doughnutbro@gmail.com

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Just drop me a question!

Quick Question #1

Dear John Dear,

After watching Shaun of the Dead, I have a question. Can dogs look up? Good luck answering that one.

"The answer is yes,"
Tough Question Ted

Dear Ted,

Your half right, It is a tough question, but the answer isn't a simple yes.

The answer is actually both yes and no.
Dogs can't look straight up when they are standing,on all fours. They can only look up within their range of eye movement. Although, when they are sitting, they are then able to move their heads up and this allows them to look straight up.
Being mammals this is also true for humans too.
No, really. Try it yourself. Get on all fours, and make sure your back is parallel to the floor just like a dogs would be. Look at a point straight in front of you.(see model 01) Then look at the ceiling. You cant do it!!! And neither can a dog but if you sit up so your back is at an angle you can look up.
I hope this helps and I'm sure a lot of you will start an argument at the bar about this and will either school them or have to mind your P's and Q's(pints and quarts) when the brawl start.

Good luck in looking up, and as always keep the questions coming.

John Dear

Dating Advice Or How Not to get Slapped

Dear John Dear,

Recently my sister has caused no end of embarrassment for me. For roughly the last two or three months I've had a HUGE crush on this girl I work with. We have spent some social time, and went to bars and shit like that, but always with a group of friends. She had been through a few bad relationships, got 3 great kids by 3 deadbeat guys,heart of gold, do anything to help someone, and anything to make a person happy, funny and outgoing, but she's been dating around lately and has a guy now. Well to get back to the embarrassment, my sister, notices that I have a crush on her and starts to text her from work and asks her, "What would you say if my baby bro was to ask you out on a date?" well I never knew this was happening, and my Sister and Crushgirl(who is 6 years older than me) text for a while, and she says yes! She would like to go on a date with me, but doesn't want to get serious. She just wants to get closer as friends and possibly work into a relationship, but not a serious one. Sister told Crushgirl not to say anything to me about the conversation. Well at break I find out and I shit you not; you could have started a California forest fire off my left ear alone. Well after getting teased about it all day; I finally text Crushgirl about it and see for myself. As it turns out she is flattered about the whole thing. She said that I hid it well, and that I was a very sweet guy. She also said I was easy to talk to and pretty damn funny. If you knew me, you would know, I cannot be funny around women at all. After all of this she told me, "We'll have to play it by ear on the whole dating thing. Now for the last 2 days we haven't talked at all. Because of this I've been sick the whole time I've been at work , they tease me about being in love; its not that, I just don't feel good.
So, here comes the "asking for advise part." How can I defend myself against the teasing when I'm not really in love but have feelings for a woman that is in need of a job and money and needs to take care of the family that she has? How can I hide the fact that I do have feelings for her without everyone really noticing. I've tried changing the subject but they say I'm trying to avoid the subject, it true, I just dont want everyone getting in my kool-aid. Yes I just went old-school.

Please Help Me John Dear,
Tongue Tied and Tortured


Dear Tortured Tongue,

Wow, That's a lot of back story for such a simple question, I think you're asking for more than what you think you're asking. I will cover those here in a second, but first.
The best way to protect yourself from teasing or hazing from your coworkers is to separate your social live from your work life. You can do this by two ways.
1) You can make sure to do everything in secret, making sure no one who can possibly link you with your girl to someone who works with you. Think about meeting in seedy motel rooms in dead towns, and having dinner in trucker bars two states away. All the while making sure that if anyone does see you and recognized you. You must TAKE THEM OUT! Luckily that seedy motel is the perfect place to leave them no one will notice the stink till the money runs out.
2) You can simply not date or do anything social with any of your coworkers. This might limit your friends and fornication, but its one of the only ways to avoid hazing at work.
Now hazing is a part of everyones job, from a fast food chain, to the Grand Jury. It's a part of the job and it's just a way for people to open their arms and welcome you into their group.
The only sure fire way to hide your feeling from your coworkers about a girl, is to not have them. Sooner or later someone will notice something and from that point it's just a matter of time till it gets to the groups lead hazer. Rater than just trying to change the subject, which you yourself said it was to try to get their minds off of it, and being called out. Don't feed the fire. They tease you about this because they can tell that it gets under your skin, or in your case is trying to get in your pants. The only way to take the focus is to find them a new subject and let them haze someone else for a change. (This will only work till its brought back on you; and might cause some problems with the new target.)
The best way to deal with hazing if its not truly negative. Is to simply roll with the punches. Laugh about it, make a joke about it that will make them laugh. Once they see you're able to laugh about it, they know they don't have any more ammo. Although if you feel that they are doing this to hurt you, or if it gets too personal. You need to go to a supervisor! Thats when hazing becomes harassment! Only you can tell if their hazing is hurting you or affecting your job. You said that you were feeling sick, was it caused because you felt bad about being hazed? If so you need to tell a supervisor and let them know this has gotten out of hand and is affecting your work.
Now to get to some of the unasked questions.
Seeing how I'm simply going off the information that you have given me and I don't know any of these characters this is kinda guess work. Some of it might easily be written off as being background.
You had mentioned that she was older than you. There is no problem with an older woman. As long as you don't have a problem with it. Women are very rarely looking for boys. They want someone who is mentally and emotionally strong enough for everything they might throw at them. Every one can act childish, but you must be able to be the adult they need; even more so if they have children. I also understand that your sister is the cause of all this. She is the one who turned your quiet pining to a full out confrontation. I know that sisters will be sisters and she might have known that you wouldn't have made a move without her help, or she just wanted some drama. Either way its up to you to decide if your mentally prepared for this move.
What she had done is just the equivalent to handing you a whip and throwing you in a pit of lions. Its just the same because if your being thrown into a relationship you're not ready for, then they both end with you getting eaten up. If you take your time and build up your friendship with the person then once you both decide to make the next step and become an item; then you have placed the foundation of a long lasting relationship.
Just take your time and allow the friendship to grow. You both will know when it's the right time to make that move, or you might find out that "this one simply isn't the one for me." The plus side to doing it this way is you'll at least have a good friend, and maybe some fun along the way.
Just remember if it does move on make sure to wrap your wee-wee.

Hope this helped and good luck,
John Dear




If you would like help or have any questions or comments please e-mail me at doughnutbro@gmail.com

Once Burned Twice Shy

Dear John Dear,

How many chances are people worth? I have a friend who I dated about 4 years ago. We were together for 3 years and it ended because he wanted to go out with someone else. Then about 6 months ago we started talking again and dated, but he slept with someone else and lied to me about it so it ended again. I wasn't SO upset about the sleeping with someone else because we weren't TOGETHER, it was the lying that made me walk away. And now we've been texting and talking and we went on a casual date. I like the way he makes me feel when I'm with him, but when I'm not I just keep remembering how he's hurt me. Twice.
Then I have another ex who I dated about 8 months ago and he cheated on me. We were only together for a little over a month. He asked me out again and we went on a date. I can't decide if I should bother calling him again. My question is what determines if someone is worth another chance? Do people actually change or am I just a glutton for punishment?

Thanks,
Once Burned Twice Shy


Dear Shy,

The term that first comes to mind is, "Actions speak louder than words," And no matter how much sweet talk you get and no matter how far the relationship goes you simply have to ask yourself. "Will I always look back and doubt my choices?"
The guy that you dated years ago has already proved how much you care to him. If your feeling ever came into consideration then he has some serious social problems. Some one who cares about you won't cheat on you, and If anything were to come up, they would at least be open about how they feel about you. I really think that he is simply leading you on.
As for the other guy he's not showing that much promise when it comes to being a good suitor. Based on his past actions towards you hasn't proved very fruitful, has it?

Although to answer your latter questions, Anything! Anything is deserving of a second chance thats what makes them second chances. Anyone, Anytime, for Anything, is deserving of their second chance. Everyone has the ability of turning over their old leaf and starting a new. Not everyone actually turns it over. Some people show you the same side of their old leaf and say, "Hey, I turned over a new leaf. So Ow You Doin'?" And really all they did was distract you with the old leaf so they can bring your leaf down to their level. Now to be done with the leaf terms.
People change, not often, and not without effort, but people change. You have to allow them to show you their intentions towards you have changed. Thus the second chance.
Now when you start getting into your fourth, fifth, and nineteenth chance. You might want to start pruning the tree of those leafs. But most of all trust your gut. If you think that they have truly changed no harm in something like dinner and a movie. If you notice him never looking away from your eyes and tries to get you to go out with him again simply to get another chance to be in your presence then thats what calls for the second chance. On the other hand if during the date all they do is stare at someone ass for an hour then try to get a piece of yours. Then unless you view this as an improvement he's not worth your time.
There is someone out there for you, and they might just need that second chance, but don't be a welcome mat. Your able to establish your own rules and criteria for what makes a good relationship. Its up to you just as to what those are. A good thing to do might simply be to sit down with these guys and talk with them. You will get a gut reaction of what they feel if you tell them that, "You have hurt me before and I don't want that again." And their response is something along the lines of, "Baby, don't you worry none. That was the old me, this is the new me." If he follows that up by mentioning some sort of foliage and the changing of sides of it. You might take this as just a line. While if his reaction comes after some careful thinking and sounds a little like, "I'm sorry I've wronged you, and I know I have to build your trust back. But your worth it and I'm willing to take the time and make the effort to make us happen." You hear something like that, that might be a little less like what you find on ABC Family TV, then that is a guy that just might deserve that second chance.
Most of all trust your gut, a good relationship is built on trust and love. You must have one for the other to work, because loving someone with out trusting them is like building a house with no nails. Eventually it WILL fall apart.

Hope this helps, and good luck,
John Dear


If you would like help or have any questions or comments please e-mail me at doughnutbro@gmail.com

Over Reacting Or Prepaired?

Dear John Dear,

I'm one of those people who tend to analyze things. That has caused a problem with my boyfriend and me recently. I'm analyzing my own words even as I type this.

We went out dancing recently and ran into a friend of his and his girlfriend. I have met and been around her a few times but never had a one-on-one conversation with her and don't know much about her. When we weren't dancing we were hanging out with them, talking with some other people we know, having a good time.

Later in the evening my guy and the girlfriend were dancing; that was not a problem, since I had been dancing with several other people. I noticed the girlfriend was being rather sexy with my guy, running her hands over his upper torso as she was shakin' her thang. I wasn't bothered by the physical factor of the dance and only later mentioned to him that I noticed they were doing the bump and grind because he doesn't usually dance in that fashion. Fast-forward to almost a week later and a question popped into my head ... why would she dance with my boyfriend in such a seductive way?

I brought it up to him and he said she approached him, saying, "Let's make your girlfriend jealous," and he agreed.

I feel I was disrespected in so many ways! This immature 23-year-old girl, who doesn't know anything about me, thought it would amusing to incite jealousy, and my guy went along with it. My friends witnessed it and pointed it out; otherwise I would've missed the whole thing. But I'm glad I know the intent behind the situation. That's what has me so livid: the intent. He said he only went along with it thinking he would get laid. Am I really supposed to believe that? Sounds like bullshit to me, or are guys just that dumb? Or do they just pretend to be dumb when they know they screwed up?
I have made it very clear that I was disrespected in so many ways and he acknowledges it, but the acknowledgment seems more like an "Oh my God, would you please shut up about this" rather than true remorse for blatant disrespect.

How can he admit I was disrespected and then say I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion? I'm deeply disturbed that he would allow someone to try to fuck with my head. Knowing that she said the words, "Let's make your girlfriend jealous," and that he agreed speaks volumes to me. What do you think?

Analyst

Dear Analyst,

You have said it your self, You tend to over analyze things. This isn't a bad thing at all, It allows you to make calculated decisions that will typically keep you out of trouble and allow you to put in very intelligent remarks and responses when other people are left stuttering.
Although this also causes you to react slowly or not at all, sometimes you simply can't wait till the moment is perfect. Sometimes you need to go with your gut, because we all know that if you start rolling things around in your head something will eventually get knocked loose or break.
You didn't take anything from it until your friends pointed it out because there was nothing wrong with his actions. As you said you both knew these people you called them "friends". Could it be possible that maybe your friends pushed you in the direction of being angry because that is what their reaction would have been?
You didn't react angry at first because you are the type of person who when they do think something over they weigh all the options. Seeing how you were dancing with other people yourself you simply dismissed it because you viewed that as fair. It didn't even surface until your friends 'told' you, your reaction should be in the angry direction.
This simple answer here is the easiest Your boyfriend IS that STUPID.
Its possible that he saw you dancing with someone else and didn't want to mellow around on the dance floor and after being approached by this "friend" He took it as a good way to get your attention to come back over and dance with him. He could have started dancing with a random person out on the floor that night and he chose not to. He saw this friend as just a means to get you back, and someone who could never be a threat to you at all. Thats why when you asked him later he simply told you the truth, "She said, 'Lets make your girlfriend jealous.'" It wasn't trying to show her power over you, NO! Maybe she simply wanted to dance, and she saw that you had taken your attention away from him, and took it as a chance to kill two birds with one stone.
I bet if you would have just walked over, said nothing, and started dancing with your boyfriend. She would have backed off and he would have been no the wiser.
The fact that he agreed that she had disrespected you, simply could have came as an after thought now that he can see that your upset. He just didn't want to go into it too much because to him it WASN'T that much of a deal and you are blowing it out of proportion.
I don't think you were blowing it out of proportion, You being who you are simply came to a conclusion in your head even before you brought it up with your boyfriend. There was nothing he was able to say that would have been able to put you at ease. In your mind you had even played out everything that could have been worse up to the point of him saying, "I'm leaving you for Dancing Girl" because you wanted to be prepared for that. You played out all these negative outcomes that the whole situation because that bad and worse.
What you need to do is just sit down with him. Make sure the TV is off, and talk for 15 minutes. No longer, Just 15 minutes. All you have to do is look at each other eye to eye, and tell him why your hurt and what about it hurt you. Then allow him to tell you what he was thinking, remain calm and just listen till hes done. More than likely even after you asked him about it he still didn't see anything wrong with it. He just thinks your "OVER REACTING" So tell him why it hurt and listen to him. I bet, if he is anything like a good boyfriend, he will apologize and take more caution in the future and if you keep doing this he will start to understand your mind set and therefore be able to put you at ease and communicate with you later if and when anything else comes up like this.

Hope this helped,
John Dear

Dear John, Letters

Need help? Want advice? Just have a question and you want another opinion? Well Im here to help you. Just simply type up your question and send it to me at Doughnutbro@gmail.com and I will post your question and the response here, and send you a confirmation e-mail when you can come by and check it out. I will also allow comments as long as they are Constructive not Destructive. That way you not only get my opinion but possibly the help of the un-named interwebs.

80's Tech Back to Haunt Me

Whats the deal with 80s movie characters popping up in my tv shows now! Last week watching Eli Stone after Lost, I couldnt place where I have seen the name actor from before, It was his voice and the way he stands, then suddenly it hit me!!! CRASH OVERIDE!!! From Hackers!!! He was the main character from one of my all time favorite Computer Nerd Movies!
Then today when lost came on, I was all the more suprised when I couldnt place one of the new actors on the show. First it was all in his eyes, those eyes are very distinct, and then he spoke, He has really aged and lost the blonde hair to age, grew a beard and needs a shave... But it is Jobe... Jobe From the Lawn Mower Man. Another movie that has to do with 3D environments and cutting edge tech. I mean is ever actor that hasent had a part in the past 15 years all the sudden going to pop up on ABC?