Ponder the Poke

Dear John Dear,

I have a question, it's about my boyfriend, and I'm a little embarrassed. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months months now, and we are sexually active, but we haven't ever gone all the way. So far we have only performed oral, and experimented with mutual masturbation; that's all. I have told him before and many times since that I don't want to get pregnant yet. He told me that it was fine and he didn't want to make that step either. Recently he has been talking to me about a way to have sex and not get pregnant. Anal Sex! I'm really not comfortable talking about it with him and no where near sure weather we should do it. Can you help me come up with a way to let him down?

Please help,

Scared but...

Dear Scared, The quickest and best answer to your question is to just, tell him. Tell him your not ready for that type of... commitment. If you were able to be open and honest about not have vaginal sex then you should be able to talk about your tush. Plus if you can't talk about it it's a good sign your not ready for this yet. I also have to give you two props, first is props on you finding a nice loop hole around the whole "abstinence only" movement. Besides not working, its totally not fun. I'm all for SAFE sex, and everyone should be aware about it. Second is good for you as counting Oral and Digital (thats digit as in fingers not e-mail) sex as being sex. Only too many people don't count it. "I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, I only went down on him." Or "It's not sex because it's not sexual organ against sexual organ." To that I simply point out that to some people a mouth or other wise is a very sexy part. Boobies are a personal favorite for me. I think of them as sexy organs as much a my own little soldier. Sex is any consenting contact that you can contract a sexual disease from. Yes that can count sharing sexual toys/Guitar Hero controller, remember that old verbiage of, "Wrap your frets; before you sweat! Now back to the question again, I think that you used the excuse of "not getting pregnant" as just that, an excuse.
Because if your even considering having anal sex you should think about starting with something a little easier such as safe sex.
Not only should it feel better, with the right precautions its nearly 100% safe. With a combination of Birth controls pills, Condoms, Spermicide, and the withdraw method. It simply makes it nearly impossible to become pregnant.
But if it's just the fact of having something foreign in you whoohaa, and you would simply rather go ahead but the butt sex then I have some advice for ya.
1) Don't do it like a porn star.
The anus isn't designed to be barreled into. You should have plenty of lube and stimulate the "opening" with your/his fingers (if fingering your butt turns you/him off you shouldn't proceed) then with him wearing a condom and even more lube take it slow and steady. Take many breaks and and keep hydrated.
2) Beware or ripping and heavy bleeding, there are just some places that a band-aid and a kiss from mommy won't heal.
3) If he's all for it ask him if you can do it to him first. If your willing to give you have to be able to receive. If he's not willing to be pegged in the pooper then why should you?
4) If at anytime your worried or cringed about any mention of poo then you just aren't ready to move onto this act of sex yet.

So I hope this helped and If either yourself and your boyfriend has been sexually active before, then it would also be a good idea for a few test(not the paper kind) Before you continue with anything else physical.

Good luck and remember Safe sex first = Lots of sex later!

John Dear



If you would like help or have any questions or comments please e-mail me at doughnutbro@gmail.com