Dear John Dear,

I find myself in quite a situation. I've been with my boyfriend of almost 4 years now and I've always been happy with our relationship I've been checked out by other guys, but I've never had any interest in them, I'll be polite and say hello and stuff like that, but I've never looked at any
of them as anything more than a friend. We recently moved and I was transferred to a new store.
Upon my arrival at this new store I felt a little out of place at first, but I quickly overcame that once my manager started kidding around with me and telling me jokes to make me feel more welcome and I get along with everyone there perfectly. So what is my dilemma you ask??? I wouldn't be writing you if I didn't have an issue that I needed advice on, now would I? I found out my manager (The one who made me feel so welcome) has the HOTS for me, and by hots I mean he definitely wants to be more than friends. I can handle that, with the exception of two things, I really do love my boyfriend more than anything in the world, I'd never do anything to hurt him, and number two is he's married with one kid and a baby due any time now. Here's my issue. He will flirt with me at work, now he's never touched me and I don't mind the flirting, but I find myself becoming more and more attracted to him. How can we hang out as just friends without my boyfriend or his wife getting mad, or even when he obviously wants more than a friendship and I find him more and more attractive as each day goes by. Another issue is our jobs, I mean I don't want either one of us to lose our jobs, and I'm concerned if things keep going the way they are it's possible we could both lose our jobs. I don't want to lose him as a friend because he is a great guy, and He and I have so much in common so we always have a lot to talk about.

Please help me John Dear, you're my only hope!!!

Questioning Commitment

Well Questioning, you really don't have a problem. Unless your engauged with you boyfriend, then it's not really an affair. On the other hand your boss has all the problems your lacking. He has a wife, kids, and your his employee who he supervises. Not only would he be having an affair if you two hooked up but he would also be taking advantage of his place of power and as you said you both could lose your jobs. Or what is more than likely this relationship would get out around your work and just cause waves in your new found social circle. People might alienate you because your the bosses toy, or they might resent you for runing a "good marriage" Althought if you ask me any man capiable of commiting addultry is not in a good marriage.
Maybe your just seeing things that aren't really there, you said he would joke with you to make you more comfortable with your new job. Maybe he is just guilty of being a flirt, how do you know that he would like to take this to the new level? Has he said something? If he has then to answer your question about you two being friends then that would be impossible he has already made the ladder jump
and with that it is up to you whether the jump was successful or if he fell into the abyss. That means that there is always going to be sexual tension between you two and it's just a matter of time before you slip and fall on his penis. You said at the beginning that you never even look at any other guys for four years, are you considering this your reward for being a good girlfriend all that time? Just one new fling and then it's back to four years of faithfulness?
If your so afraid to lose him as a friend then DON'T FUCK HIM, nothing kills a friendship more than an orgasm, and if you don't want to lose your boyfriend then don't be friends with your boss.

So to put it very succinct if you don't want to hurt your boyfriend then cut your ties with your boss and start giving him the cold shoulder. If you don't mind hurting your boyfriend go ahead. I'm not going to say it's alright to cheat, or to cheat with a coworker. That's your own can of worms, but my advice is to just keep it strictly business.

John Dear

Dear John Dear,

I have a few problems, all of them have to do with my ex-boyfriend. I really can't deal with him anymore! Right after we broke up he started dating this really trashy girl ( I say girl because there is no way, that she is over 20) I know he did it just to hurt me. Then he had the gull to date my best friend. I saw them at a restaurant and when I confronted him on how that will affect me and my friends relationship. He blew me off! (Every time that she dates one of my ex's it's impossible for us to get together and she starts to talk their sides when I talk about them.) What can I do about him? Should I date one of his friends or should I just try to sit down and talk with him?

Please help,
Distressed-Ex


Dear Distressed-Ex,

Wait, What? I'm sorry I think I must have misread your letter? Okay, I have a question for you. What does anything your Ex-boyfriend have to do with you? He's your Ex after all. Both he and yourself can date whoever you want. If he wants to get in trouble with jail-bate then that's his problem. You know better than to get yourself into that kind of trouble.
What you don't know better is how to choose your friends. From your letter I get the impression that your best friend has dated your ex's before? Well given her the benefit of the doubt and let's say that she had no hand in making your boyfriends add the ex prefix. She then turned her back on you by choosing your ex over you. Then after she left you, she chooses to undermined you by calling you a friend and not at least seeing your point of view on a man that you know at least a few facts about.
You shouldn't have a problem with your ex he had his chance with you. Where your focus should be and who you should sit down and talk with is your "so-called friend." It's her that has wronged you.
She very well might not know that she has been doing it like you haven't seen how her actions have hurt you. So go into this easily, but if she starts to get defensive then it's a good chance that she did this not only knowing the how it would affect you but also does it because she knows how it will hurt you.
Leave the ex where he belongs, In the past. Just keep your eyes open and try to take in all the facts next time.

Good luck with your friend,
John Dear


If you would like to send me a question of your own. Please Send all questions to:
Doughnutbro@gmail.com All questions are confidential and there is no easy question send em all my way.


4297

Quick Question #5

Dear John Dear,

Please answer this for me. Are Wendy's hamburgers really NEVER frozen? If not, how are they kept fresh?

Thanks,
Burger Jockey



Dear Burger Jockey,

I really can't be completely sure about this, so it's kinda based on past knowledge and partially based on me guessing. But, "Frozen" is a very loose term when it comes to food and food production. For instance, let's talk Turkey. Turkey has standards that would boggle most of our simple minds. First frozen to most of us is at 32 degrees Fahrenheit as freezing, but not with turkeys. With turkeys frozen is considered anything zero or below. Now if it falls in the 1-26 degree mark then (even though it is still well below freezing) is considered "refrigerated." Now anything 27 and up is considered fresh. So as you can tell all of those numbers are well below freezing (for water). Most of us with a thermometer would say that all of those are frozen. Thanks to other non-water substances within the bird that will affect the freezing temperature of the flesh.
I have no idea if the standards are the same for beef or whatever burgers might be made of but knowing Corporate America they can get by with stretching the truth just a little(Or a lot depending on the company.)
So I bet the meat is placed in a blast chiller right after it's ground and brought to right above whatever the beef industry considers frozen. At this point it is able to be safely shipped to Wendy's (not affiliated with John Dear... Yet) To be made into wonderful, tasty, beautiful, food like art. That is the Wendy's Burger.

Hope that helped get your mind and mouth around these Juicy, flavorful, nearly orgasmic, burgers.

Till Next time,

John Dear

Gods Watching You

Dear John Dear,

I have a problem, you see I have been told by my teachers and my parents that masturbation is a bad thing. But programs on the TV and even some articles that I have read have told me that it's actually good for me. I really don't know what's the right answer or what would be a good defense for either. Do you think that you could help me when it comes to taking matters into my own hands?

Master Debater


Dear Master Debater,

First off, I would like to get a few terms out of my system so that I can get down to the meat of the question and beat it. Beat the meat, wrestle the one eyed monster, choke the chicken, jerk the turkey, pull the pud, the five knuckle shuffle,(for women) flicking the bean , diving in with digits, spelling "G-spot" with sign language, and many other clever terms for masturbation.
Masturbation is simply stimulating yourself until you reach a climax. With a definition as simple as that it HAS to come with a lot of extra stigma.
You said that your teachers/parents say it's bad, while articles say it's good for your health. Well they are both wrong in their own way. Your parents will simply tell you is bad for you because it's bad for them; to walk in on you doing it. Not only does this mean they will see you in a less than dignified situation, and no parent wants that image burned into the back of their eyes. They also have a deep seeded fear of you doing the same to them.
While the "articles" would like you to think it's good for your health because they want you to buy more "articles" featuring women with rabbit ears in less than covered situations.
The truth is that masturbation is completely health neutral, which means that it will not do anything bad for your body, but in your full hand, your not kidding anyone when you say your doing it for your health. Just Do It For Pleasure!
You won't grow hairy palms, and your eyesight is predetermined by genetics. Although on the other empty hand, despite some studies that have came out stating that regular masturbation will reduce your chance of cancer has not been proven and even if their are advantages they are just as equal to drinking some grape juice.
Now I know some of you and you're out there saying, "Hey; John Dear, a well publicized and intelligent advice and help columnist, says Jerking off is Great so I'll start doing it today and end some time next week." That's NOT what I'm saying at all!
In fact there are some pro's and con's to it.
The Pro's:
It feels good!
Finding out what your body likes will help you with future partners
(This is highly recommended for women, and should be shared with your partner)
Checking your undercarriage regularly is one of the strongest ways to discover cancers or possible sexual transmitted diseases.
A quick release is a good way to shrug off some stress, this happens because, just as during sex when you come to climax your brain releases endorphins which create a calming and relaxed feeling to melt over your body.

The Con's:
It can become an addiction. Because it feels good and because of the release of endorphins(just like with Heroin and other opiates.) This feeling causes a chemical reaction in your brain and just like drugs this feeling can cause you to become an addict. True it's gotta be one of the cheapest addictions there is around, but still you try going to a beaters-anonymous meeting (Sex Addict Anonymous)
If you become a heavy user you can, if you try to stop, go through withdraw. Just think of Caffeine Withdraw. The only problem with this is that unlike drug addictions where you have to "score," or some other 80's term for acquiring drugs, to get that high back. All you have to do to get this high back, is some private time and an active imagination.
Also just like drug addiction you can build up a tolerance to it, which means more sessions, which means more chaffing. Or even worse the use of toys, drugs, or devices, not to mention the use of auto-erotic asphyxiation (choking yourself till you pass out) not only is this STUPID!!! It's also dangerous, nearly 1,000 deaths a year, and possible brain damage.

So please do it the old fashioned way, just a hand and deep thoughts. Keep it down to what you can consider a minimum. If you want to kick it up a notch add a person. As long as your stimulating yourself and you don't get any fluids on each other this is 100% safe. No STD's and no chance of pregnancy.(And if your a stickler for details you can still call yourself a virgin.) Just make sure the other person is aware and alright with you doing this around them.

I think that this has given you some facts that will help with the "debating" and hopefully it has answered the question of weather it's right for you. Because some people just don't get off on getting themselves off. It's all in your hands, so to speak.

John Dear

P.S I would like to add a little homework to this one, If you read this please go to the bottom and add your own term for masturbation. You can post 100% anonymously and as always I like to hear if you have any extra questions/comments on the subject. Thanks

Old Flames Burn Hotter

Dear John Dear,

Recently I ran into an ex-boyfriend of mine that I haven't seen in years, he
is getting married and I just got married. But every time I talk to him I
feel the same way I did years ago when we dated. I enjoy talking with him. As I sit here, I think I am going insane because I
adore this person and don't want to scare him off as a great friend, but I
can't help but to think and feel a certain way. What do you think? Am I nuts?

Sincerely,
Rushing Emotions


Dear Rushing Emotions,

No, You're not nuts. Although you are starting to walk on shaky ground. Your emotions sound a little mixed as well as rushing. You say that you don't want to scare him off as a friend, despite these rushing emotions? Unless you think that your emotions will get the better of you, and over power your mind and heart, then you shouldn't have a problem with a social relationship. Everyone thinks of the reasons why they got together with someone. What they usually leave out is how it ended. Too many times, people will "re-discover" an ex, and all they can think about is the good times. The problem with that is people rarely change, and even if they do old habits die hard, and where theres an old flame there is old smoke. People do grow, and people do change. And who knows maybe you were one of the lucky few where they relationship ended just to end. Even so; as you said your happily married, you have found someone that completes you. If he's getting married then you should hope that he has done the same.
So to tie this up, If you think there is a chance that this could move into more than old friends catching up, then you should probably try to cool the flames. At least till you have your heads in order.

Hope it all turns out in the end,
John Dear

Read At Own Risk

This Post Contains Information That Some Might Find Disturbing, All the Information is Based on Fact.


Dear John Dear,

Is it just me, or does it seem that crimes are becoming more and more our of control? Some people care no more about shooting someone than spitting on a sidewalk! Is this a warning? A sign? What do you think?

Gun Shy

Dear Gun Shy,

Sadly enough it hasn't, It isn't, It's not. Crime by its definition is out of control.(An act committed or omitted in violation of a law forbidding or commanding it and for which punishment is imposed upon conviction: According to www.thefreedictionary.com) It's not crimes that are out of control or even the problem. It's technology; because of the development of not only weapons but of the ease of information transfer. Guns are more accessible now than they were 100 years ago and because of that people are using them more. If they didn't have guns they would simply start using knifes, boomerangs, or Yo-Yo's (invented originally as a weapon)because since the beginning of time there has been crime, and since people had thing others wanted there has been murder. The only thing to change is how easy it is to find out about these things.
I don't read the newspaper because it's full of Bad News. Not things I don't want to hear, but things of people hurting people, families being broken apart, true human tragedy. Things that the most disturbed writer would never be able to come up with in a thousand years.
The book: IN Cold Blood, By Truman Capote Is about a murder in 1959 where two men broke into a family's house and after cutting the fathers throat and shooting him with a shot gun, went and with a single shot to the head killed the wife, son, and daughter, after tucking each one in bed. That was one of the most horrific murders in the 1900's. That was nearly 50 years ago!
Although the "Murder Of the Century" One of the most written and talked about killings in the past 150 years is of course, "Jack the Ripper" or "Whitechapel Murders" as they were called then was a number of serial killings.
There is no way to truly know all the details, but here was one or more persons.(here on referred as Jack) Well Jack went around and would target women of the night, Hookers, and would slit their throats then Jack would mutilate the body and take specific organs. Nearly all of these murders were committed in relatively public places and not only were their no Eye Witnesses, and no one was ever caught. This was around 1890, over 200 years ago!
These are considered to be some of the most horrific murders in history because they got the most media attention at their times. If every murder in history was as well documented as this it would be well known that it hasn't changed much at all over time.

One good example of the media and it's cause on how we view things is the Great Fire. Or the Chicago Fire of 1871, it was all started by one mad cow, and all of Chicago Burned because of it. Although at the exact same time over four hundred miles North of Chicago the town of Peshtigo, Wisconsin(along with number of other towns) Burned to the ground due to a forest fire. Somewhere near 2,500 people passed away in the fire, This remains the most deadly fire in all of written history. Though because of the remote location of the event went hardly noticed, and is completely over shadowed by the "Great" Fire Of Chicago( with an estimated 200-300 deaths)
This shows that if it doesn't make "good news"(sells papers) then its bad news, and Bad News is Good News because it's what people want to read.
If people took more stock in the good nature of people then that's what we would read about. Someone once said, "It is better to be Infamous than it is to be famous." and I agree, if you save a child from a burning building then you will be forgotten in a week, but if you set fire to the house you will be remembered for ever. Look at Hitler. He; through heinous and evil acts, is now rooted in history and on the minds of all people over the world.
The true difference is that everyone hopes to one day be the hero, no one plans on being the villain.

So people are not worse they are the same as they have always been, And that is the sad fact.
I'm sorry to tell you this but it's true and just as scary.

John Dear

Oh Sister

Dear John Dear,

My sister is 17 and I am 29, she has always been a good kid, but now she is rebeling. She will not listen to anyone, I remember doing the same, but when she confides in me, because we are very close, should I share that with my parents? I want her to be able to talk to me, but as a mother, I would want to know what my kids were up to! What should I do?

Big Sister


Dear Big Sister,

You said it's the same that you went through, but it's not. You didn't have you. You didn't have yourself as a big sister to confide to. If she's just going through the typical teenage rebel phase then let her. Unless she's doing things that could harm her in the future, Drug use, unsafe sex, hanging out with Britney Spears, anyone of those things can change her life for the worst. It is your job as both a big sister and a confidant to let her know that things could get out of hand and that your worried about her safety and well being.
Only use going to the parents as a last ditch resort. You don't want to loose her confidence in your conversations. If your parents ask you how things are going, be honest. "She is doing fine." Or "She is having some trouble right now but I think with my help she will be fine." Or "She has some problems and I'm going to need your help in helping her." Your parents will find solace in the fact that she has you to help and they just want to be informed in their daughters lives.
Family is one of the only things that is a constant for people, no matter what is said or what is done, all can be forgiven and accepted with loving arms.
If it's all just teenage turmoil then she will just ask you for advice and you having already gone through it you will be able to give her the advice as not only a sister but from the view of what she will go through in ten years, and also from the view of a mother.
On the other hand if it is something that troubles you and can not be passed off by simple advice you need to go to your parents. They have experienced life too, and only want the best for their daughters.

I hope this helps, and remember party ends with a Y not because "You gotta" but because everyone needs to ask the question, "Is this right for me" And if you have instilled good values in her she will always make the right choice.

Give her a big hug from me,

John Dear