Oh Sister

Dear John Dear,

My sister is 17 and I am 29, she has always been a good kid, but now she is rebeling. She will not listen to anyone, I remember doing the same, but when she confides in me, because we are very close, should I share that with my parents? I want her to be able to talk to me, but as a mother, I would want to know what my kids were up to! What should I do?

Big Sister


Dear Big Sister,

You said it's the same that you went through, but it's not. You didn't have you. You didn't have yourself as a big sister to confide to. If she's just going through the typical teenage rebel phase then let her. Unless she's doing things that could harm her in the future, Drug use, unsafe sex, hanging out with Britney Spears, anyone of those things can change her life for the worst. It is your job as both a big sister and a confidant to let her know that things could get out of hand and that your worried about her safety and well being.
Only use going to the parents as a last ditch resort. You don't want to loose her confidence in your conversations. If your parents ask you how things are going, be honest. "She is doing fine." Or "She is having some trouble right now but I think with my help she will be fine." Or "She has some problems and I'm going to need your help in helping her." Your parents will find solace in the fact that she has you to help and they just want to be informed in their daughters lives.
Family is one of the only things that is a constant for people, no matter what is said or what is done, all can be forgiven and accepted with loving arms.
If it's all just teenage turmoil then she will just ask you for advice and you having already gone through it you will be able to give her the advice as not only a sister but from the view of what she will go through in ten years, and also from the view of a mother.
On the other hand if it is something that troubles you and can not be passed off by simple advice you need to go to your parents. They have experienced life too, and only want the best for their daughters.

I hope this helps, and remember party ends with a Y not because "You gotta" but because everyone needs to ask the question, "Is this right for me" And if you have instilled good values in her she will always make the right choice.

Give her a big hug from me,

John Dear